are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
