pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
