Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
