Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
