I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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