its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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