my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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