dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
