That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
