Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
