if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
