Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
