I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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