i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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