i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
