ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
