so that wasnt chicken after all
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
