And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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