I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fuck appropriateness.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
