it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
