Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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