my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
