I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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