and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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