Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
