I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
