The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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