So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
