"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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