you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
