so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize