During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
