You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
