I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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