Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
