I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize