there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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