He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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