as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
