I wanna bring you to show and tell
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I AM VODKA MAN
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
