Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
