ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
