Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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