Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
