the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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