I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
