I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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