rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize