He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
