I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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