You smell like a Billy Joel song
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
