Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
