im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
