God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i think i have two assholes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
