Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
