Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
