my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
