Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it glows. i had to have it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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