I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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