I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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