I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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