Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
