why didn't you poke me back
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
