At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
