Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
