I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
